went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
