Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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