Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
