Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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