Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
