High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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