covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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