This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
