ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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