I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
