i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
