is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
