Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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