yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love having hate sex.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
