can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
