Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
