sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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