Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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