Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
