God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
