Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We talked him into tasing himself.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
