i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
