Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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