Can i not drive my cunt home
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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