Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
