The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
