i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
