Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I came so hard my ears popped.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
