don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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