i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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