My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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