I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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