Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
