Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
