I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
