Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
