Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My dad just said "fuck circus"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
