i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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