I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
