I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
