I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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