guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
