I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
