Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
