i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
