Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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