if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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