Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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