She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
