ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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