We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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