he thought i was a dude.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
