Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
